Unmask These 8 Vitality Thieves Stealing "Pleaser Types" Productivity

It's possible that the nicer you are - the more readily you need to please - the more you will have on your plate and the more likely you will be to burn out before editing your 'to do list' to match what you truly desire. It's no secret amongst productivity professionals that the concept of time management is actually energy management. So how are pleaser types (those who fawn to survive) more likely to lose their vitality to their time management habits? It comes down to personal power and what we have control over.

When we are connected to our power, we navigate our challenges with relative ease. Most of the time, it's easy to forget just how powerful we are when those unconscious habits to please others clutter up your calendar (and your mind) with everything but what you really need to do. Clawing back your boundaries or your energy can be tricky.

TL, DR: We ain't getting any younger, the truth is that the sooner you trust the magnetic north of your own purpose and prioritize what is right for you, the sooner you drop the burn-out, daydreaming of cancelling everyone, leaving town and getting that makeover on your life in order to 'come back strong.' I know I am alone there ;) Go ahead and use this checklist to replace your 'nice guy routine' with rituals to prioritize your focus, balance and self-connection before those habits steal vital energy and so you can stop before you are dead tired and have nothing left to give. Keep this ancient-wisdom-meets-modern-desires guide as a reminder that we are not passive participants in this game of life, but rather Creators of our reality - increase your ability to decode your inner guidance for sovereignty and a chance to love what you choose.

Tip: Don't miss the other two articles in this three part series "Unmasking the 3 Intrinsic Creatorship Capacities: Focus, Momentum and Vitality."

If you are new to claiming you pleaser tendencies, you have probably loosely come across the term "fawning" on your healing path. If you are new to it, I recommend the practical book for recovery by Pete Walker, Healing from CPTSD, a book I have bought now 10 copies and hand out knowing its empowerment support is deeply resourceful. You might have also discovered that both "perfectionism" and "pleasing" have finally being seen beyond the metrics of the dominant lens - the business world - and instead through the trauma lens on behaviour. Yes, both qualities - that used to be touted as enviable traits that differentiated candidates from the others in the resume pile - are that of a traumatized nervous system using both to cope a culture that is unhealthy, imbalanced and disharmonious. Perfectionism and pleasing are the key symptoms for a cluttered calendar, a confused and soon to be burned out individual riddled with resentment and a purpose-disrupted dreamer who surrendered to the culture that 'puts food on the table' to survive. That is what Intrinsiq is here to shift.

As the saying by Ram Dass goes, " We are all walking each other home." This means that becoming the change we want to see in the world brings you on a journey where you are going to get lost before you find the version of yourself that you can lean on that gives you a steady trust, faith and creative capacity to handle challenges. You are going to get lost before you find where you belong. In fact, with a little help you can learn to create where you belong.

I want you to know that even though getting lost is part of the process of finding yourself and where you belong, the path can be filled with loving acceptance, increasing freedom and harmony on a holistic path integrating our shadow to reveal our most authentic self.

"It is by going down into the abyss that we recover the treasures of life." - Joseph Campbell

Understanding the factors that drain vitality is crucial to healing. Taking a deeper breath into the belly, see if you can sense the spacious, kind, and curious heart you so readily give away to others. In this moment, let's give some compassionate attention to our inner navigation amidst the circumstances and take some inventory:

1. Toxic Overload: Modern lifestyles expose us to an unprecedented level of toxins, mirroring the emotional toxins in pleaser-type relationships.

Exercise: Introduce a weekly detox ritual, incorporating nutrient-rich foods and herbal teas to support physical cleansing or learn to eat for your unique mind-body type per season so your naturally self-cleaning body can operate at its best (don't worry, it's not about removing pleasurable food, but embracing foods that give you vitality by using your senses more effectively).

Suggestion: Establish emotional boundaries by practicing daily affirmations that reinforce self-worth and autonomy. Make cute interrupter notes wherever you find yourself mindlessly choosing something you don't need but want.

2. Chronic Stress: Constantly navigating the intricate web of pleaser-type relationships can be emotionally taxing, triggering chronic stress.

Exercise: Implement a daily mindfulness meditation routine to ease stress and foster emotional resilience.

Suggestion: Create a "stress-free zone" in your environment, encouraging breaks for deep breathing or short walks during hectic periods.

3. Poor Boundaries: Emotional enmeshment, a common trait in pleaser types, blurs personal boundaries, leading to emotional exhaustion.

Exercise: Visualize and practice assertive communication in front of a mirror to strengthen boundary-setting skills.

Suggestion: Develop a weekly self-care calendar, allocating dedicated time for personal pursuits without guilt.

4. Neglect of Self-Care: Pleaser types often neglect their own needs in the pursuit of caring for others. This neglect manifests physically and emotionally, resulting in fatigue and diminished vitality.

Exercise: Craft a self-care vision board to visually reinforce the importance of prioritizing personal well-being.

Suggestion: Enlist an accountability partner to share self-care goals and celebrate small victories together.

5. Fear of Rejection: The fawning response in pleaser types often stems from a deep-seated fear of rejection. Constantly seeking validation and approval can be draining.

Exercise: Journaling about positive past experiences can help reframe fear and build a more resilient mindset.

Suggestion: Engage in a self-compassion meditation, fostering kindness and understanding toward oneself.

6. People-Pleasing Patterns: Fawning responses are characterized by a strong desire to please others at the expense of personal needs. Constant people-pleasing can lead to burnout, resentment, and a sense of unfulfillment.

Exercise: A purposeful cleanse course designed for pleaser type recovery should provide tools to break free from people-pleasing patterns, fostering self-empowerment.

Suggestion: Journaling about positive past experiences can help reframe fear and build a more resilient mindset.

7. Suppression of Authenticity: Fawning involves suppressing one's authentic self to maintain harmony in relationships, leading to a disconnect from personal desires.

Exercise: Engage in expressive arts like drawing or journaling to reconnect with suppressed emotions and desires.

Suggestion: Identify and share a personal passion or interest with a trusted friend, gradually embracing authenticity.

8. Digital Overload: Constantly navigating the intricacies of pleaser-type relationships, often in a digital realm, exposes individuals to information overload.

Exercise: A pleaser-type recovery cleanse should encourage a digital detox, allowing participants to recalibrate their relationship with technology and foster mental clarity.

Suggestion: Establish "screen-free" periods, dedicating specific times each day to disconnect and focus on self-care.

Additional Suggestion: Create a digital well-being contract with specific guidelines for healthy technology use. Enlist someone you trust to hold you accountable by monitoring your screen time and ensuring that you end your screen usage an hour or two before bedtime.

As kind people, or recovering pleasers, we can get sh*t done and take care of ourselves. Kindness is a two way street starting with the self and extending to the other. Pleasers, on the journey of recovery, can recover lost time, energy and emotional investment by discerning what boundaries are missing that allow them to be effective and still enjoy giving. There is no static balance in life, but there is an active practice of harmony that serves you living a life you will one day look back on with satisfaction, meaningful joy and peace.

You can learn to master harmony at its root (in a more simple, connected method) in my cleanse course coming out in a few days while also:

• saving money *around $200/mo in groceries

• saving time usually spent shopping, cooking and covering up parts of you that are 'rebelling' like the waistline

• recovering the gut-brain microbiome by cleansing off the old, undigested, toxic buildup from past decisions with food and emotions that are stuck in the gut creating the perfect environment for chronic dis-ease

• learn how to give to yourself first, with others who are stepping up their self care as well

• simplify your habits to do what is determined necessary by your body, mind as you get to know it intimately

• experiencing the deeper focus that is required to do great work and be present

• experiencing a master level skill to recoup your momentum when you are disrupted

• reclaiming your vitality in a steady foundation for your day that you don't have to keep recovering from

Vitality thieves happen everywhere, at work, home and with the people we know and love the most.

By pinpointing these challenges, accepting them as part of your growth journey (no shame needed,) and committing to a solution with support to follow through you will be resilient and renewed in your authentic self.

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